Fear in Words

 The past two weeks have been the hardest time of my adult life as a parent. Learning your child has Autism is a very hard thing to hear but when you have two and they are both diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder your world crashes.
 I think "what have I done, why do I deserve this, is God punishing me." If I pray hard enough will this all go away and be back to normal. But what is normal? This is normal. This had been been my normal, I just did not know. Plus would I want to change my two precious daughters for someone they are not. In no way possible. I love them for exactly who they are and would not change them in any way.
 I know this is not the end of the world and could be so much worse but when you hear the word Autism it is like hearing the word Cancer. This is an incurable disease and will or can my child recover. Now I know this is not anything like Cancer it is just a heart wrenching word you can hear when your child is diagnosed with Autism.
 Please bare with me if you can as i am  bit all out of sorts. This is new and different and i do not like change or not being in control for than matter.For some reason I guess God felt that I needed to get over this and accept that I can not always have my way. He is right; he would not give me anything that I can not handle. This is what I am supposed to do. Still be a loving, caring mother of my most precious beautiful twin daughters who just happen to have Autism Spectrum Disorder.
 Since this is all new to me and I do not know a lot about this I am going to try to find out everything I can about ASD. I am going to get as involved as I can, meet other parents, go to meeting and read as many books as i can possible.
  So far I have read two books and am on my third. I highly recommend reading "Louder than Words" by Jenny McCarthy, "Facing Autism: Giving parents reasons for hope and guidance for help" by Lynn M. Hamilton. Now I am reading "The Horse Boy: A Father's Quest to heal his son" By Rupert Isaacson. To me this is how I cope. Sticking my head in books and being as aggressive as possible to learn as much as I can. To some this might seem odd because I am not grieving right now but I have to keep my head above water and that is how i am doing this; with books.
 Please keep us in your prayers as i know there is no cure but there is always hope for getting better. This is a new journey for my perfect family of four and each day will be difficult, new and exciting. I leave you with this quote...

"To love is to risk not being loves in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."